Fifteen Years
by acidmudblood
Summary: The Malfoy Manor often brought memories gushing back into her mind. As her, Draco and Scorpius walked along the leafy pathway towards the main entrance of the house, the wind howled in her face. This place had always radiated a sort of sad, bitter energy. An energy of something that was once lively, colourful, and radiated power, but had now faded to grey.


For Alex, and Tori. Lime-o.

* * *

Astoria's heart felt heavy.

The Malfoy Manor often brought memories gushing back into her mind. As her, Draco and Scorpius walked along the leafy pathway towards the main entrance of the house, the wind howled in her face. This place had always radiated a sort of sad, bitter energy. An energy of something that was once lively, colourful, and radiated power, but had now faded to grey.

Her fifteen year old son walked beside her as her stomach was weighted down with guilt reminiscing the past.

_Fifteen years,_ she thought. It had been fifteen slow, bitter, years.

Every single day, she had missed the feeling of her soft, intricate fingers coiled around hers. And she missed the faint scent of her perfume every time they embraced. She missed warmth around the crook of her neck, the feeling of her hands on the small of her back.

And she missed the feeling of her lips. A soft, delicate, pair of lips that had always tasted of a sad kind of bitterness. Lips that tasted of a woman who had gone through so much, and a woman who had never truly been understood.

She wondered if all the other men that that woman had kissed had ever felt the same way when kissing her. Probably not. _Men don't feel those kind of things, _she thought to herself.

At least, she was certain, for whenever she kissed her own husband, all she felt was nothingness. It was never the same.

Was it human nature to be in love with an idea that could never be a reality?

Was it human nature to allow yourself to be consumed with thoughts and feelings that destroyed, and burnt like acid from within?

Was it human nature to want something that you knew you could never have?

She was certain for one thing though; human nature had always been, and will always continue to be a realm of self destruct.

Human nature was a violent, shameful, detestable thing.

The door opened. Narcissa Malfoy stood at the entrance of the doorway, a small smile etched onto her face at the arrival of her son, grandson, and daughter in-law.

"Mother," Draco said, as she pulled him into a hug.

"How's the little Scorpius?" she asked, grinning, hugging him as well.

"Hello, Narcissa," Astoria said, smiling. Narcissa returned her smile, and gripped her hand in a friendly, motherly shake. For a moment their eyes met, and Astoria could see that the older woman's sad, grey eyes were filled with longing and remembrance of the past. But she concealed it too fast, and pretended as if nothing had happened.

She tried to ignore the prickle of annoyance and pain that she felt, and walked along with the rest of them.

Lucius Malfoy was sat in the sitting room beside a crackling fire, reading the _Daily Prophet_. It had been a while since Astoria had sat down to read that piece of tosh, she was too busy with her job that she couldn't be bothered to care about what was happening in the Wizarding World, anyway.

"Hello, father," Draco said, walking over to the older man. Lucius put down the newspaper and got up from the chair to greet the three of them with a half, not-so-sincere smile, shaking hands.

Astoria had never liked him. She could never really pinpoint the exact reason why, but it was probably because he had been an asshole of a husband, and an asshole of a father, an asshole of a father in law and an asshole of a man in general.

_But weren't all men like that, anyway?_ She thought to herself.

Though at least, she felt and knew that Draco was a hundred times better than him. And she knew that he sincerely loved her and cared for her, she was certain of it. But she had never been certain of herself, if _she_ had ever loved _him_ back.

Strange.

She imagined all the married people in the world who never truly loved each other,_ a prime example being Narcissa and Lucius_, she thought. Married people with children, who only stayed together for the sake of their kids. Marriages with only one sided love, to which, sounded something like what she had felt herself.

And then she thought that, not many people actually do end up marrying the people they truly love.

Love was such a funny, reassuring, yet destructive thing.

Some people are lucky enough to be in love with the right people at the right time, and stay together till death do them apart. That, she thought, was probably rare.

And then there are most people, who spend their entire lives waiting, chasing, and being in love with a person who would never return their feelings. Or being in love with a person who once loved them back, but had been separated by the cruelties of life.

All the people who truly loved each other, but were never allowed to be together.

All the people who truly loved someone else, but was never given the chance to show it.

All the people who were built to be lovers, but never found love in their lives.

And all the people who gave up believing in the existence of love, because they were tired of waiting for too long.

Did she believe in soulmates? Maybe, maybe not, she thought.

But what she did believe in was that love could be as comforting as the smell of grass after a light rain, and the sight of a sunset that was soothing to the eyes. But also as sickly as an incurable disease that drove many, many people into pure madness.

They had sat in the sitting room, the adults engaged in conversation for a while, while Scorpius sat alone quietly, reading a book, before all of them headed to the dining hall for dinner.

The food was lavish, as usual, as Lucius carried on with his typical speech on politics and belittling the wizarding society.

"The last time we had a family dinner together like this was ages ago, don't you think?" Narcissa said, interrupting her husband before he could continue with another insult hurtled towards the Ministry of Magic.

"Five months ago, I recall," Draco added.

Narcissa shook her head and smiled sadly, sipping her soup.

"So how's work, Astoria?" she asked.

"Oh, it's fine. Everything's great. Got promoted two weeks ago, just a few weeks after Draco earned a promotion himself."

"Oh really? That's wonderful."

Astoria glanced at Narcissa and Draco and smiled at them.

The room filled with silence except for the sound of their cutlery as they continued to eat.

"How's this little Ravenclaw boy doing in school?" Lucius asked, breaking the silence. Narcissa's facial expression hardened, but she didn't say anything.

"Good," Scorpius replied, sounding polite, though making it clear that he wasn't interested in saying anything else.

It had been a huge shock to Lucius at first when Scorpius had been sorted into Ravenclaw instead of Slytherin, to which he got all upset about for a couple of months, but soon cooled off. Narcissa, Astoria and Draco honestly couldn't have cared less, but Lucius being the asshole he was, made a huge fuss out of it.

He occasionally tried to bring it up every now and then, in a subtle attempt to harass the boy, but no one entertained him.

They resumed their dinner before a house elf came along to clean everything up when they were done.

The men had gone upstairs, for whatever reason, leaving Narcissa and Astoria alone together at the table. Tension had immediately hung stiff in the air, but Narcissa did not falter.

"I'll be in the sitting room, if you need me," she said, smiling, before getting up to leave.

Astoria sat alone at the dining table, contemplating her options. Once again, she was filled with dread and disappointment.

Glancing at the dining hall, she remembered all those times when Narcissa and her had eaten here together when no one was around. The moments before her marriage to Draco, and the early days of her marriage before the birth of her son.

She remembered when Draco had first introduced her to Narcissa. The exact moment they first met was also the exact moment she first felt her heart race at the sight of her face. She tried to brush it off as she wasn't so sure for a while, but not long after that, Narcissa could tell.

And they had kept it going on in silence for so long, meeting up in secrecy in the Muggle world; at coffee shops, restaurants, libraries, parks, hotels.

She remembered the first time they kissed- Narcissa's lips were chapped and tasted faintly of coffee, but she couldn't care less. It was snowing, and they were in some Muggle neighbourhood park, that night. Narcissa's face was faintly illuminated with the glow of the lamp post as the wind hummed a subtle whisper.

She remembered the thrill of the chase, the happiness it brought her, and the sincerity of Narcissa's actions. She remembered the muffled _I love you_s, the warmth of her embrace. All the emotions Narcissa had made her feel, that her husband had failed to ignite. She hadn't realized how much she cherished the value of their relationship until it was taken away from her.

At times she awoke in the middle of the night, feeling haunted, and longing for the past in desperation, before glancing at her sleeping husband beside her. She'd feel engulfed with a huge wave of guilt, before trying to fall back asleep again.

Astoria decided that she couldn't take it anymore. She got up from the chair and headed towards the sitting room.

Narcissa was standing eerily quiet, staring at the fireplace, as though she was contemplating her endless problems and worries.

Astoria's heart hammered even more rapidly against her chest, trying to conceal the nervousness she felt. "Narcissa," she called out.

If the older woman was startled by her sudden presence, she didn't show it. Narcissa turned around to glance at her.

She decided that it was either now, or never.

_Fifteen years have been too long._

So she forced all her strength and ability to work up the guts to say the words had always been at the tip of her lips, the words that have been haunting her for too long.

"I've missed you," she finally blurted out.

Her heart continued to pound even more rapidly in fear.

There was a momentary silence, and the tension hung thick.

Narcissa seemed shocked for a moment, at her suddenness, but she was silent. She had her head hung low, eyes fixed on the floor.

Astoria waited.

Finally, Narcissa glanced up at her face and met her gaze.

She pulled Astoria into such a sudden embrace that had had filled the younger woman with immediate shock and relief, speaking in a voice as soft as silk.

"I've missed you too," she said, her voice radiating a feeling of someone who had been waiting, and waiting for too long.

Astoria's heart flooded with nostalgia. The ache and crave that had once burned inside her like acid had now been soothed. She held back her tears, cradled in the arms of Narcissa, the woman she had been separated with for far too long.

"I've missed you so much…," Narcissa spoke again, sounding like she was close to tears.

And every cell, every atom, every molecule in her body was submerged with a thousand feelings that she could not give a name to, as the older woman leaned in to kiss her. A feeling that she thought she would never ever feel again, after fifteen years.

_Fifteen slow, bitter years._

_I love you, _Astoria thought, but her words were choked down with a strong current of flowing emotions that they never escaped her lips.

But for once, after such a long period of uncertainity, Astoria finally felt a feeling that she had once hoped for. She was finally certain that she was now at home.

Back at home, after years too many of being away. Back at home, in the arms of a woman she believed that she truly loved, yet could never be with.

But she didn't care, because home was never a place of perfectness, happiness and beauty. Home was a screwed up place that everyone had once tried to escape, but at the end of the day, home was also a place of security, and sincere, undying love.

And home was always a place that felt the same, a place that continued to welcome you, even after you've been gone for fifteen years.


End file.
